What to do when you’re growing and up leveling your life but your partner isn’t
This is a topic that I talk about A LOT with my clients. As you’re over there rocking it and making big changes, sometimes your partner isn’t on the same page. Maybe they aren’t interested in upleveling or things seem a little rocky. In some cases, relationships outgrow themselves. As you’re upleveling your life it’s really natural that some of your friendships and relationships will run their natural lifespan. But today I’m sharing a few tips to keep those relationships THRIVING.
When I first met my partner I was changing my career, becoming an empty nester, and caring for my terminally ill mother. I used all these changes in my life to explore what was next and create a major uplevel. This was a really rocky time for my relationship, but after implementing these tools in my life I’ve found our relationship thriving.
Don’t try to change your partner. Love them for where they are. When we try to tell someone what they need to do or push too hard, they will push back.
Don’t give ultimatums or pressure them to change. By all means don’t tell them that you are going to grow apart if they don’t do XYZ. Because of your own personal growth then your relationship can be stronger than ever. You can support someone for who they are and not make them change because of your OWN fears. Have you held yourself back ever in your business so that you wouldn’t lose a relationship? Stop self sabotaging. Instead, be the best version of yourself so that you can show up for them.
Stay out of judgement. When we are judging another person, we see something within them that we see in ourselves. When you are starting to judge, this is an opportunity to look within and choose something else.I like to repeat the mantra, “I choose love instead of this.”
Show don’t tell. Let your life be the example for the shifts that you’re making. They are watching you show up differently. They are much more likely to want to grow as they watch than us telling them what to do.
Have open and honest conversations about what you’re doing and why. Tell them about what you’re doing and why that’s exciting for you. Often when someone isn’t on the same path we shut down and don’t share. When we aren’t open that creates fear. Open up the door and have honest conversations about what’s coming up for you. If they aren’t supportive, it can feel SO hurtful. If this is happening in your life, I encourage you to lean in and get curious. Instead of taking it personally, or self sabotaging, get curious. Ask them to tell you more about why they feel that way. Maybe you will discover that they are afraid of losing you or uncover other truths.
After following these steps, 5 years into my relationship, I no longer fear that we will outgrow each other. We now have a bond that allows us to love each other where we are. We each get to be our own person. We can all pursue our own dreams. When your partner isn’t on this personal growth path, try to tune into their dreams instead.